Some Car Humor

[Gary Morrison]

Turned up today on the Miatapower list...


You know you're a riceboy if...

1. you find yourself using the excuse "yo, but you got twice as many
cylindaz" after EVERY race
2. you have a 4-door 'type-R'
3. your gumby pants make it hard to shift
4. more than 10 of your mods involve shielding what's actually underneath
5. you have stickers that even most asians don't get
6. you have stickers for parts you don't have
7. you refer to 50hp as the 'big shot'
8. your car has so much camber it can drive on its side
9. when you drive by, WW2 veterans run for shelter
10. your exhaust tip diameter is 4 times the inner muffler diameter
11. you have 'powered by' anything anywhere on the car
12. birds make nests on your spoiler because its taller than the trees
13. you sell crack for the image, not the money
14. you have 'N/T' polished on one side of the car and don't know what
bracket racing it
15. you will only race if the other guy removes four sparkplugs
16. you can't race uphills
17. you have 'All Motor' emblazoned on your rear hatch, right next to your
14.50 dial-in
18. you brag about having nitrous and have a 14.50 dial-in
19. the exhaust system for your 1.8L is bigger than most pro-stock cars
20. you've spent more money on stickers and stripes than you did on actual
performance mods
21. you go to a performance shop and go directly to the decal bin
22. your tach is bigger than your head
23. you have a shiftlight and your car is an automatic
24. you refuse to race because it's a 'show car'
25. your only mods are cut factory springs and a 5" exhaust tip
26. at autocross events you don't compete because you have a drag-race
setup, and at drag races you brag about kicking ass at the autocross
27. you have more lights on the front of your car than the USS Voyager
28. you brag about a turbo kit that never seems to get installed
29. two years ago, your mom used to drive you to school in what's now your
'race car'
30. your bright green $300 air filter is bigger than your engine